I always admired the way the sun would fall upon the leafs and color it with light. I would, also, look upon the stars and dream about things that never would happen. About cities that don't exist and people who are too good for this world, I would make up stories so I could survive this, sometimes, odorous life. It would be an understatement to say I had been living in my own world since my birth, but don't we all?
At the age of seven I was ''diagnosed'' with dyslexia and dysgraphia, meaning that I couldn't read and that I misplaced numbers often as well as words. Kids at school, as always, were mean about it and it's because of their laughter that I started to hate reading. I thought, why even bother? I'm not smart enough to read. I'm not GOOD ENOUGH like other children.
My mom, being the biggest book lover I know, was heart-broken, but she never said a word to me. I found out now that when she came back from school after she spoke with my teacher who told her how bad I was in reading, she cried. She probably thought that we would never share that passion for reading, but even then she didn't force me. It all came when I was 13. It all began with a book called ''Delirium'' by Lauren Oliver. I am so enormously thankfully to her for just existing and WRITING! If it weren't for her book maybe I would never start reading?
My best friend, who was the rock in my life- my anchor- borrowed me that book whilst saying, ''I think you'll like it. Give it a try!"
I had always heard her talking about books she had just read and in that moment I though ''Why not? Maybe I can enjoy books as same as she does.''
That period of my life was hard. I had some problems at home which made me a complete mess. Imagine a 13-year-old without ''structure'' or ''order'' at home, who lives in her own little world. I was far from lost at that point and I think if it weren't for books I would be even more lost.
I'm not from America or any english speaking country so I read Delirium in my native language and they didn't translate the other two parts so I went to the bookstore and bought the other parts in english. And that's how I started reading in english and later on even in german. Imagine how shocked my mom was when she found out. A girl with dyslexia who hated books is now reading in foreign languages!
After that I started writing as well and then I found the missing piece of myself in words and creation.
I had been lost and found and then lost again. But in the end I would always find my way back. Books were there like a flashlight to guide me through the dark times and redirect my passion in this life. I found that life has beauty for those who see it and as I began with an Vincent van Gogh quote paraphrase I'm going to finish with one as well. “...and then, I have nature and art and books, and if that is not enough, what is enough?” And when you combine nature with books beauty happens. The same goes for humans, when you let your ''disabilities'' be your stepping stones and mix and bend them with your abilities then miracles and magic happens!
Never underestimate yourself. Even if the world does, you mustn't be the one who knocks you down. Don't be your own worst enemy.