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loftin.emily
Jul 20, 2018
In STORIES
This is the first time I'm telling my story of how books made me into a better mother and how reading helped with my depression. At a younger age I suffered from major depression till I was 17. At the age of 17 life was getting better, I was working, I had friends, and I had big goals. The one and only goal I accomplished was moving to Colorado and finishing high school. I moved to Colorado on my own when I was eighteen, my best friend moved in with me. Shortly after we moved into together we became more than friends. Needless to say I got pregnant with my son. Graduated high school with morning sickness. At seven months we decided it would be best to move back to Texas and live with my parents. So at eight months we moved in with my parents. That already made me feel like I failed in life. At nine months the father and I ended our relationship, and he moved to Las Vegas. After my son was born I had an extremely hard time. I was unable to breast feed, my son cried lot, and I was running on two to four hours of sleep each night. I could feel my depression coming back, and it came back in full swing. I cried every night, I felt so alone and I was emotionally tired. As a new mother I felt like I couldn't ask for help. If mom or anyone tried to help I felt more like a bad parent. So I refused help 95% of the time. Whoever is reading this do not do what I did, if someone is offering to help you TAKE IT! When my son was 6 months old, I was still depressed, and I decided I had enough of crying. I couldn't afford to see a counselor, and I couldn't talk to anyone about my depression. One random day I remembered that I used to like reading when I was in middle school. So I went to my nearest library, and checked out "The Awakening" by Kelly Armstrong. Fell in love with the book, and read the rest of the books in the series. After that I didn't feel so alone anymore. I felt like I finally found a shoulder to cry on. Books became my emotional support. My depression was subsiding, and I started to feel like a better mother. I am now 22 and my amazing son is about to turn 3, and I am more happy than I've been in a long time. I also have so many books, and I read all the time. So thank you to all the authors with those beautiful words that became books. You saved my life, and made me a better mother for my son.
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