Jul 26, 2018
I hated reading. But my mom forced me to sit down and read for half an hour every day. I was stubborn and spiteful to her because of it. But soon, a love for reading caught fire. I always had a story playing out in my head. I would just sit and imagine myself as a fairy, escaping and flying away from the bad guys. I was young, in seventh grade. And as I grew more curious about life, so did my imagination and my ongoing stories. As time went on, the internet became a substitute for my “stories” that were no longer so innocent. And because it is so easy, I fell prey to porn and didn’t even know what I was watching. But once I started, it was impossible to stop. No matter how hard I tried. I would cry myself to sleep at night, thinking I was a disgusting and a horrible little girl. Porn controlled my life. My grades started to fall because porn took up all my time. I was at the will of my laptop. My reason for staying quite about this demon I couldn’t control was fear. I was afraid to tell my parents previously for fear of the anger and disappointment that would inevitably follow if somebody found out. This continued for a considerable amount of time. Until my dad found my secret. And I was free. The road to recovery was not easy. Not in the least. Porn doesn’t stay in the computer. Once you’ve seen it, the images and videos seem to be branded into your mind. I was afraid of myself, and afraid of computers. I couldn’t be alone with my own mind that would voluntarily replay what I had watched. What I no longer wanted to ever see again. I wanted to be DONE. So I started reading again. The time and freedom from my porn addiction rekindled my love for stories and fairies. In the pages of my books, I was safe. The courage of the characters in my books strengthened me. Showed me I could fight. Taught me I am more than my past mistakes. That I may have scars where nobody can see, but I also have a secret power; at any moment of any day, I can become someone else. All I have to do is open up a book, and I am gone from the world that makes porn so easy to stumble upon. Away from my own mind, and into another’s. Into someplace filled with magic and adventure. It has now been years of freedom from my porn addiction. And though time has healed me since then, it was books that really saved me. - C.J.