I am a highschooler, and my parents are divorced. I don't have a good relationship with my stepmom, and I live with my mom and stepdad. I struggled to adjust with my dad's new family, and my stepmom's kids, but I dealt with it mostly because my brother, who is three years younger than me, was struggling too. My dad's side of the family is very old-fashioned in the sense that first borns (that would be me) have to be the best, and they have to get the perfect grades, but they are also sexist. "Only guys can do this, while the girls cook in the kitchen." I am the first female-first born in my family, so it was extremely hard to figure out my position in the family, while also dealing with the pressure of prefection. It's the 7th grade, and I was getting pretty good at blocking out the judgement from my family; I enjoy school, so the A's were no problem, but I still felt that pressure of being a girl and the oldest on me, but like I said, i was good at blocking it. That same year, my great-granpa on my mom's side died. My mom was really close with her grandparents, but she held it together for her grandma, the one person who helped her get through her toughest moments, from being a young mother and growing up poor. I was also very close to my great-grandma, so when she died 5 months after her own husband, I felt that more than anything, but I had the sense to stay strong for my mother, so I held it all in. In the same week, a close uncle on my dad's side died, but I still held it all in. It came to a point where I felt like a doll; a doll seems happy and positive all the time, but in reality, it is immune to such feelings and is numb. Then, I came upon my gateway book, Prince Caspian from the Chronicles of Narnia. I must have reread it a thousand times. I got lost in the pages. I was sucked into the land of Narnia, and for the first time in a while I felt something. I felt what the characters felt; the ups and downfalls of their emotions. It was such a wonderful experience that I craved. After that book, I devoured other stories and met new characters and wandered new lands. I read the Harry Potter series, along with the Lunar Chronicles, and the Red Queen series. Then I came along the books of Sarah J Maas, and in a way, I felt healed. Reading her book series Throne of Glass and A Court of Thorns and Roses was like beginning a new life, and finding a new home. I fell in love with the characters, laughed with them too. I cried with them and won battles with them. Her characters were ironically realistic and relatable, especially when these characters lived in fantasy worlds. I introduced these books to my friends but they don't read for a precious escape like I do; they didn't need saving by the pages. But whenever the pressure is too much to bear, I pick up a book and get lost in the pages, again and again and again.